BOOKS
Clapped Out
ebook
Clapped Out - the Collected Screenplays
All films start with a story, then a screenplay, and finally the movie. It is a long road from the first drafts of a script to sitting in a cinema while the credits roll. Ben Elton once said that if someone says they are going to take your screenplay and make a film, don’t believe them until you see the credits roll at the end of the film in a cinema with everyone else, because anything can stop it happening at any point in the production.
This collection of eight screenplays were all at some point in time going to be made into films, but all stalled at different stages in production. Therefore they exist only when read, in your mind. It is also a fascinating insight into the development of the writer, including a first draft, five full length screenplays and two short film scripts.
Each film script uses standard script formats and is essential reading for those studying screen-writing or interested in cinema.
The writer, Alan Neilson, studied Writer's Craft at Manchester Metropolitan University with the late great John Singleton.
Stabbing Myself In the Ears
ebook
Paperback
A book of Ten years of music reviews
A chronicle of almost forty years of gig going and ten years of music journalism.
“Gig goers are a special breed: obsessive, compulsive, devoted and loyal. They are collectors and list-makers; they support music wherever it is played and whoever it is played by... they will talk about it until you are blue in the face... this book is for them.” Alan Neilson 2019
Including:
"For anyone who follows my reviews, you will know I am generally hard to please and dislike the mainstream to the point of stabbing myself in the ears when asked to listen to it. This is true, apart from anything to do with Christmas."
"Maybe there is a ‘British Psycho’ waiting to be written, where the character listens to Swing Out Sister, Johnny Hates Jazz, Curiosity Killed the Cat, T’Pau and Rick Astley: now that is truly terrifying."
Olivia Newton-John... well she was Kylie before Kylie - even if you don’t like her, you can’t hate her."
"so cheesy you almost have to grate it into your CD player to play it."
"The reason why I bring this up is to illustrate the type of music fan that is attracted to Best Of albums: people like Alan Partridge; people who have a passing interest in music, but not a real love."
"a song so sickly sweet I could feel my fillings melt."
"And I too get a prize for stating the bleeding obvious."
"But I am an oddball; songs with death in the title are the holy grail for me"
"He has a constant puzzled look on his face as he sings – an expression mirrored by the audience."
"the problem is that with no stage presence, no discernible melodies, no skill as a vocalist or guitar player, all that is left to impress is the lyrics, and they contain a constant barrage of cynicism, negativity and gloom."
"the music just crawls off the stage and disappears under a sea of statuesque figures."
"... has a great confidence and is at ease with the crowd despite its overwhelming disinterest"
About Echo and the Bunnymen: "Ian McCulloch is still a fantastic singer; Will Sergeant is still a stunning guitar player; and lastly, Liam Gallagher stole his whole act and public persona from Ian McCulloch, but without Ian’s wit, charm and sense of humour, and great voice."
"If his job is to ignite the audience into a frenzy, he fails dismally – if his job is for the audience to wish his set would finish and to get Holly on, then congratulations."
Touching Wood
ebook
Paperback
Touching Wood (The Woman's Complete Guide to the Kid Inside Their Man) Book 1
A perceptive and humorous look at surviving adolescence. Set in the late 1970’s, it follows four boys’ lives, whose families struggle to stay nuclear.
When four boys are growing up, they normally look to their family for support and encouragement. But if your dad is an alcoholic; or your mum is neurotic; or your friend’s dad shows you a bit too much attention, while the rest of the world just ignores you; you tend to just find your own way.
In the wake of punk and in the foreboding quiet before Thatcher, a generation comes to terms with the ever present threat of nuclear destruction and invasion by Soviet forces. All this whilst suffering school, hair growth, musical revolution and its subsequent dilution, the conquering of girl-kind and conkers.
“Touching Wood” is the story of Martin, Billy, Noel and Robert as they scrape their way out of boyhood into adolescence. The boys use football, comics, dirty magazines, graffiti and hearsay to navigate through the minefield of growing up. They fail with drinking, smoking and girls, but end up finding more strength in their own circle than in those around them.
Five Star Review, Cheesecake: "A heart-wrenching story of how four young boys cope with family dysfunction, raging hormones and a desperate need to be seen and heard. An inspiring tale of how they face demons, conquer fears and learn that friendship is a precious thing. You take all four lead characters to your heart and turn every page eager to know how they will forge their way through the battlefield that is adolescence. A trip down memory lane for anyone who was a youngster in the late seventies, noting how times have changed but realising that some things never do and possibly never will. A quite wonderful, truly insightful and thought-provoking read. Highly recommended."
Five star reveiw, Stephen Smith: "It is gritty, thought provoking, laugh out loud funny, shocking and sad. I felt as if I had stepped back in time and could see elements of myself, at that age, in each of the four boys.
This is a must read for young boys from the seventies and anyone involved with them."
Five star review, Gail C: "I loved it! It's funny, sad, insightful and well written. Described really well the experience of being a teenager and brought some light to help me understand the men in my life. Thanks"
Five star review, Dr J Stapleton: "Growing up in the 70s/80s told like it is through the eyes of a gaggle of small boys. Touching Wood is an endearing portrayal of the strange logic, rules and loyalties that govern the relationships and lives of boys becoming men. Funny, touching and a brilliant a read, I was hooked within the first few pages. In pre kindle days, this would be one to attempt to read under the covers with the aid of a torch .. in manner of a small boy! Can highly recommend."
Five star review, JT123: "Not what I expected. Struggled at first to read it very explicit descriptions. However I read the whole thing and I thought it was very good. Reminds me a little of Lord of the Flies in how it describes the boys lives and humanity."
Five star review, The Guardian: "This is a wonderful book. It made me laugh, it made me cry and it also shocked me to realise just how naughty 13 year old boys can be. As a Mum I found it difficult to put down, a super read. Every mum of boys should read it."
About the Author
Alan Neilson was born in North Yorkshire at the end of the 1960's. He spent the first decade of his life moving from Yorkshire, to Germany, to Liverpool, to Dorset, and finally to Birmingham where his family remained.
Neilson studied Live Art, Composition and Screen-writing at Manchester Metropolitan University, completing four full-length screen-plays there.
After graduation Neilson was quickly picked up by a production company based at Shepperton Studios, where he worked on a screenplay for television. Due to legal disputes, the project had to be shelved, leaving Neilson to begin working on his first novel; "Touching Wood". It was completed and published in early 2012.
He is currently working on Parts 2 and 3 of the series: "Touching Ground" and "Touched".
Neilson lives and works in the Black Country with his wife and young son.
